I didn't get to spend much time with Allen today. We went earlier, but nurses were taking care of positioning, medicating, doing therapies, etc then the doctors wanted to meet with me again. I had to leave by 12:30 to catch the shuttle back to the room so we could have lunch and pick Jamie up from the airport. It is SO nice to have her here with us. We planned on resting a bit, having supper and going up to see Allen, but... our bodies didn't follow those plans. We all passed out so long that when we woke up we were all zombies. So though my heart wanted to be with him, my body told me rest. I fixed fish tacos and we rested. I am anxious for the morning, though. I want to sit with Allen.
So.. the visit with the doctors...
You know, I was irritated with Dr. "Opie" the other day, but today the Lord helped me see that he is compassionate and it's hard for him to stay removed enough to share medical information and facts. I couldn't do that. My heart wants to hold people who are hurting. So... I was brought to a 'counseling room' with Dr. "Opie" (who seems to be a really fine doctor), another resident with whom I've talked many times, Allen's nurse for the day and a Pallative Care worker named Stacie. I like her a lot. She is compassionate and friendly and we think we're kindred spirits. She has older and younger kids and loves morning coffee on the porch. She doesn't cut up fabric, but she cuts up paper and that's fiber, too, so it works.
They are out of ideas of what they can medically do for Allen to improve his situation. They want me to choose either Long Term Acute Care or comfort care (hospice). I wait.
Again, the Lord sent certain people into my path or to call me to share information with me I needed to hear. I was so totally opposed to removing feeding tubes, like I'd be starving Allen. I had to remember what I'd learned when my Momma was passing. There comes a time when food brings more discomfort than comfort, is less sustaining. I needed to remember that. Pray. His digestive system is not responding well.
My nephew (in-law and love) called and was able to explain some medical things to me that I needed to know. God has been so good. I'm so oblivious to some of that. With all my parents' hospital stays and Allen, I'm learning way more about medical stuff, all the numbers and tests and machine settings than I ever wanted to learn.
The stroke education coordinator here told me her story. She lost her husband to a brain aneurysm 15 years ago when their son was a toddler. It was taken out of her hands and he passed, but she shared with me that though they had discussed the same things about not sustaining life artificially with each other, she knew she could not rush into that decision with him. She had to know that what she was doing was right. Again, it was taken out of her hands. That's what I pray.... really that God will just raise Allen up. It's not too difficult.
AH, LORD GOD, YOU HAVE MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH BY YOUR GREAT POWER. AH, LORD GOD, YOU HAVE MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH BY YOUR OUTSTRETCHED ARM. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE. GREAT AND MIGHTY GOD. GREAT IN COUNSEL AND MIGHTY IN DEED. NOTHING, NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE!
All I've been able to hear from God is 'wait'. The doctor wants to talk again on Monday. So, I wait. Erin waits, Jamie waits, Christy waits... we all wait.
3 comments:
linda, my beloved friend Betty, came to my home, "within our gates", unbenosted to me, but not by Him, to die. She was a dear friend, who had had a very hard life, and was 72 when the Lord put us together. She was diagnosed w/cancer shortly after she moved into a cottage on our property. It was a bad prognosis, that came true. We met w/her doctors 2 get just the facts w/o the sugar, my husband even got the big wigs 2 come to our & hers, humble home, to help us make decisions 2gether, while she could. TJ felt Stronghly, that within his gates, he could not allow another to starve, as he understood the word of the Lord, to his heart. Betty agreed, but reluctantly, she had to shawlow a feeding tube, so medicine, & food could be adminastered to her during her last days with us. The hospice people advised against this. Our Sweet Betty passed peacefully, her fists were not balled, her face was at rest, & the body of our church sang her into the arms of the Lord without starving her to death. I was very poor when i was young, i idenified with "The Little Matchgirl". I have alot of older women friends who followed the advice of the hospice people about cutting off the "life Supply" to those who may not make it, ALL have no peace, in retrospect, about their decisions. Where hope lives, LIFE MUST BE SUSTAINED!!! i tell u my story becouse i have peace in the passing of my dear friend. My older friends still cry about what happened after they made the decisions they did for their moms, dads, & husbands. God has all our days numbered. I know you believe this, & i hope so does Allen. I have been hungry. I have been thirsty. It sucks, & bad dreams invade that vacumn. The Lord will guide you, LEAN on HIM. I felt I had to share my experience to you. HOPE is an AWESOME GIFT FROM THE LORD GOD . HE IS ALL MIGHTY!!! My prayer is you will feel His Peace. Tell Erin I love her, & was happy to hug her neck at coops. Let me know if you'd like to talk further about out experiences. my # is 956 200 2744
I appreciate your testimony, Lisa. I understand the choices you made. I am waiting and praying and knowing God will direct our steps. Thank you for your prayers.
Linda. I feel you anxiousness and doubt. I now that you you will make the right choices. You have a relationship with God that will reassure you and comfort you. God, and only God, can truly sustain life. You're right that there comes a time when the body no longer uses food and is only hindered by it. Let that knowledge help you to "do no harm", when the you feel that it's time. Also, Allen is still very wise and I'm certain that knows the answer. Whatever that answer maybe, he'll withhod that information until he's comfortable that you and the girl's are ready for it. The kids and I pray for God's hand in sustaining you all and helping you make the choices that fulfill his plans. Stay strong and let you girls wrap you in their arms and hold you up, when you cannot. Love you all.
Post a Comment