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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Back to the Tower ?

Allen has been home a week. We've had lots of ups and downs, but PTL, only one down on the floor. But... we used the training that Ann, Allen's therapist from South Texas Rehab taught on getting back off the floor. Scoot, on his knees, arms on the side of the tub, push up, while we pulled. Made it! Thank you, Jesus. Allen has had some very discouraging moments, felt like giving up, wouldn't cooperate with us on anything, but he rests and then comes around.

Judy, my best friend and fellow Keglemeister, spent 5 days here helping us settle in, keep tabs on meds, bp, oxygen readings and she helped us arrange for home health and a provider to help me with Allen weekday mornings. Bless her, Vicky also helps straighten up, sweep, etc. She's a blessing. I'd hoped insurance would help with it, but others recently blessed me with the finances to keep her here for a couple of months. It has helped my frame of mind more than you could know. Allen will do home therapy through home health for a few weeks and then switch to outpatient therapy.

He has been retaining a LOT of fluid in his lower body. I took him in to see a doctor Friday and he upped his lasix. I haven't seen it working yet. We'll pray and hope the Lord relieves this soon. His BP and oxygen have been good.

I felt awful. When I was taking him to the doctor he thought I was taking him back to Retama and told me he wouldn't get out of the car. It took me a bit to make him understand I wasn't trying to get rid of him. We were going to the doctor then going back to OUR home, not the nursing home. He is fragile right now. It's hard to see him this way. I love him so much and I know he loves me. He just felt so abandoned while at Retama. What a hell hole that was. How can a facility that regulated and that looks so good from the outside have such terrible care for patients who can't care for themselves? Every time I turn around I am being asked by professionals, "Why didn't the facility send him home with...? Why didn't the facility give you this information? Why didn't the facility make sure you know how to..."

Well, I am getting over my cold and it's helping me emotionally to deal with things. I had to ask the dr. to up my anxiety meds because I was falling apart when Allen would get cantankerous. He has said some things that would never have come out of Allen before. I know it's his frustration. Other times when we are sitting and talking he says something that would be easy to take the wrong way and then after he works his words around it I realize he was actually trying to say something sweet or to tease me. He could be 'deadpan' before when he teased, but now... no affect at all. Then occasionally, he gets his school boy grin and makes the sun shine again.

I am still hoping and praying that Allen will not only regain his physical strength, but his cognitive functions, as well. He is so smart and it still shows. He just has a hard time with find the right word and sometimes the statements make no sense at all and he doesn't understand why we don't understand. Man, that must be frustrating. It's like speaking a different language, without understanding why the people you know don't speak the same language. Wow... after God confused the languages at the Tower of Babel, that must have been beyond understanding.

I am absolutely sure of the Lord telling us all these months to "Wait" and to "Trust". We are still doing that. I know he told me over a week ago to not put my hope in Allen's healing, but to put my hope in God. I am doing that with all I am able.


Paula Sanldin said...

Linda, I am really sorry you are having to go through this (all of you). There will be lots of ups and downs as I am sure you are seeing by what you have written. Any nursing home is a place that I hope that I never have to put anyone again in my entire life. I don't know if you remember, but Grandpa Fox was in one for a long time, my other grandfather was in one for a short period of time and then my dear mother. None of those nursing homes gave the care that they should give and their only excuses were that they were understaffed and overworked. I am sorry, but I don't go for that. Where I work, we are understaffed, overworked and underpaid and we still have to do our work correctly or we would be out of there in a heartbeat. That is absolutely no excuse for not taking care of someone that can't take care of themselves. I still feel that if I hadn't of put my mom in the nursing home last June, she would still be with us now, it only took a little over a month for us to loose her once she was there. I know that Allen loves you and the girls and at times I am sure he is very frustrated because he knows he has put so much more work on all of you due to his illness. You just have to work through those times and know that the good Lord is there with all of you during those times. He will help you get through rough times forever. Tell the girls how proud they make me to know that they are there for their parents, there are so many children now days that would not be as supportive as your girls are. Please know that they don't care if and when you need to lean on them, they love you too. You have to take care of you and not just Allen. Many thanks to all of your friends that have helped you out over the past few months. I really wish I lived closer so that I could do more than just write to you. I doubt that Allen really remembers us, but when we were there last August and the time we spent after mother's funeral is something I will never forget. You both opened your home up to us and we appreciate that. Please let Allen know that we are praying for his full recovery and we hope that it is soon. Take care and we love you all.

Threadhead said...

I love you, Paula. Thank you.