All things are possible

All things are possible!


The Lord brought my niece, Stacie, to stand with us today. What a blessing. God is so good to us. Not only do we know we are not alone with all the prayers, texts, emails, cards and all... but angels with skins on when people come to see us.

The doctors don't see any other changes in Allen, but they have taken him off antibiotics and now off the ventilator. He is breathing with just extra oxygen now.

NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR GOD

I didn't get to spend much time with Allen today. We went earlier, but nurses were taking care of positioning, medicating, doing therapies, etc then the doctors wanted to meet with me again. I had to leave by 12:30 to catch the shuttle back to the room so we could have lunch and pick Jamie up from the airport. It is SO nice to have her here with us. We planned on resting a bit, having supper and going up to see Allen, but... our bodies didn't follow those plans. We all passed out so long that when we woke up we were all zombies. So though my heart wanted to be with him, my body told me rest. I fixed fish tacos and we rested. I am anxious for the morning, though. I want to sit with Allen.

So.. the visit with the doctors...
You know, I was irritated with Dr. "Opie" the other day, but today the Lord helped me see that he is compassionate and it's hard for him to stay removed enough to share medical information and facts. I couldn't do that. My heart wants to hold people who are hurting. So... I was brought to a 'counseling room' with Dr. "Opie" (who seems to be a really fine doctor), another resident with whom I've talked many times, Allen's nurse for the day and a Pallative Care worker named Stacie. I like her a lot. She is compassionate and friendly and we think we're kindred spirits. She has older and younger kids and loves morning coffee on the porch. She doesn't cut up fabric, but she cuts up paper and that's fiber, too, so it works.

They are out of ideas of what they can medically do for Allen to improve his situation. They want me to choose either Long Term Acute Care or comfort care (hospice). I wait.

Again, the Lord sent certain people into my path or to call me to share information with me I needed to hear. I was so totally opposed to removing feeding tubes, like I'd be starving Allen. I had to remember what I'd learned when my Momma was passing. There comes a time when food brings more discomfort than comfort, is less sustaining. I needed to remember that. Pray. His digestive system is not responding well.

My nephew (in-law and love) called and was able to explain some medical things to me that I needed to know. God has been so good. I'm so oblivious to some of that. With all my parents' hospital stays and Allen, I'm learning way more about medical stuff, all the numbers and tests and machine settings than I ever wanted to learn.

The stroke education coordinator here told me her story. She lost her husband to a brain aneurysm 15 years ago when their son was a toddler. It was taken out of her hands and he passed, but she shared with me that though they had discussed the same things about not sustaining life artificially with each other, she knew she could not rush into that decision with him. She had to know that what she was doing was right. Again, it was taken out of her hands. That's what I pray.... really that God will just raise Allen up. It's not too difficult.

AH, LORD GOD, YOU HAVE MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH BY YOUR GREAT POWER. AH, LORD GOD, YOU HAVE MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH BY YOUR OUTSTRETCHED ARM. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE. GREAT AND MIGHTY GOD. GREAT IN COUNSEL AND MIGHTY IN DEED. NOTHING, NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE!

All I've been able to hear from God is 'wait'. The doctor wants to talk again on Monday. So, I wait. Erin waits, Jamie waits, Christy waits... we all wait.

Roller-coaster

I haven't liked rides like that since I was little... I'm not sure how much I really like them then. They upset my stomach and make me feel out of control. Hmm... control issues? LOL... over-analyzing myself much. Oh, well.

My life is definitely on this coaster ride right now. God is sustaining me and most days are okay. I keep praying, singing, reading the word over Allen. Tuesday was a loop-de-loop day. The doctors called me in and wanted to not to the trach on Allen because they didn't think he was responding enough, don't think he will ever respond. They talked to me about making him comfortable, removing feed, fluid and intubation and waiting around a couple of days for him to die. I will honor Allen. His desire is not to live on tubes unable to respond or live and breathe and be happy. But I'm still not sure we're at that point. I cried and prayed and sought counsel. I was reminded of Allen's desires and I will honor him, but I do believe that God wants me to wait. Judy's son, Beau, said that yes, Allen doesn't want to live that way, but he's sure he would want me to come to a place where I can be at peace with it. I still believe our God is big and able to raise Allen up to wholeness. Will he? I hope so. I continue to hope and pray and believe. The concern was mentioned for whether I can be at peace if we come to that place. God is with me. God is for me, just as he is for Allen and Erin and Jamie and Christy and Betsy and Peter.... and you. So far along this 'ride' I have asked God to make decisions for me. I don't want to make the wrong choices. God has been faithful to do that. I still believe He will be faithful to do it.

That was Tuesday. I went to bed praying and reading God's word and Wednesday morning...
"weeping may endure for the night..." Did joy come in the morning? I had peace. God brought my cousin and his wife (Roy and Lillian). Lillian had a similar brain aneurysm and wrecked her car. While she was 'out' she said she knew she was with God... not dead or in heaven, but held like in a room filled with Him. It was peace and joy. She didn't want to leave that place. And when she started coming out she could hear and understand, but couldn't respond for a while. Hearing that brought me peace. A man from the Diehl's home church left me a note while I was out of the room. He'd prayed with Allen and left the note and some money. What a sweet blessing. Third, two sisters whose Mom was flown from McAllen with an aneurysm let me know that her mother was recovering and being moved to another room. She'd been 'out' for weeks and they'd been there 41 days. It hadn't looked good, but God is restoring her mom. She left a Billy Graham devotional with me that had been given to her. God is good.

So, today is Thursday. We're planning for Jamie to come be with us. We need each other here. Allen just had an EEG because they want to see if he's having any seizures. We're waiting...
but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint... Teach me, Lord. Teach me, Lord, how to wait.

Please keep praying and believing with us. Pray for God to give us the strength we need for each day.... each moment really. Keep Christy and her family in prayer. It's hard for her to wait at home.

I love all the messages I receive. They encourage my heart.

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round...

The extended stay place we're staying has a free shuttle service to and from the medical centers in Houston. It's pretty amazing how many people they shuttle to and from all day long. This morning, Erin and I got on and chatted with some of the people who are also going to hospitals. Most are going to MD Anderson for... yep, cancer treatment. One man with his wife: she's lost her hair, very pale, feeling sick and bouncing down the road on that shuttle for more of the chemo that will make her feel worse. Another young man with his mom... same kind of story. An older gentleman with his wife. They've made this trek often before. A newbie... she's just arrived and will be going through all kinds of tests and paperwork to get her chemo treatment started. All the 'oldies' know the shuttle bus drivers and they are friendly and encouraging to the riders. Erin and I sit there, watching the skyscrapers as we pass, listening to the people share about the weather and what their loved ones are doing at home now that fall has arrived.... Santa Fe, Ohio, Arkansas, Tennesse... They come from all over to the city who promises help and possibly an extension to their physical lives. The chatter made me smile, but knowing the pain they were dealing with made me pray in the Spirit and ask the Lord to help them through this day.
Our stop. Erin and I get off and begin our tour through St. Luke's Espiscopal Hospital, over to the Purple Elevators, up to the 7th floor.... ICU, 7 South 5, bed 11. In to see my love, my dearest Allen. We sing some songs, pray for him, talk to him, love on him. The left side of his head and eye is still very swollen. He can't open it. His right eye opens and sometimes I feel like he is looking at me. Sometimes it's like he's not able to focus on anything. I know his spirit man knows we're there. So I'm still praying and singing and reading the Word over him. Erin and I sit ... on the cold side of the room...brrrr... and work puzzles, read books, talk to nurses, stroke coordinators... other patients...
I met two sisters whose mother was airflighted from McAllen.... Josephina... Lord, touch and heal her, too. She had a similar aneurysnm, but they've been there... waiting, taking turns staying with her for 37 days! Lord... keep giving me courage.
We hadn't made it to the grocery store, so no packed lunches yet... back down to the cafeteria. Meatballs, rice and sweet potatoes, with a cookie. Times 2 is almost 20 bucks.... that can't go on every day. After lunch Erin I take the yellow elevator up to the top... 26th floor... nothing exciting... nuclear medicine. So a sign says the "Terrace" is on the 23rd floor... so down we go... No terrace, just the highbrow part of the hospital and fancier rooms... back to the 7th floor. I miss Allen already. I sign the consent for Allen's traecheostomy. Tomorrow at noon.
We sit and 'visit' with Allen and Erin loves on her Daddy until about 5 when we head back down to wait for the shuttle bus again. People get on to go home, stop at Luby's, go to Target... we come back to our home away from home.
Time for groceries. We spend a couple of long hours at Target's grocery and stock up on a lot of easy to cook foods... chicken tenders, pasta, frozen vegies, lunchmeat, baking mix, milk, eggs, etc... plus some containers, a mixing bowl, toiletries and 3 kinds of card games to make the days pass by. By the time we get back and unload we're too tired to cook anyway... so hot dogs, crackers and a breakfast muffin. Good enough. Tomorrow we'll cook.
Lord, I need to hear Allen's voice. I ache for it. I need to see the clear recognition in his eyes. I want him to be still. I continue to tell him that You're continuing to heal and protect him and that You're providing all we have need of. I actually can't think of much we need but YOU and each other. Yes, when I start thinking about finances, about his inabliity to work, his disability pay that is basically less than minimum wage... I have to choose to let it go, to continue to trust the Lord. We are okay. Bills are getting paid and the Lord has been good to us. He's never forsaken us and I don't imagine it will start now. But... yes, the old devil would like me to focus on those things.
God is building courage into me that I never thought I'd have. But... it's HIS courage. It's something that is supernatural. It's not what's me... It's what is HIM in me.
I ramble... it will probably be this way every day that I blog. It's midnight and time to sleep.

I'll be sharing our journey with you...

It's me... I'm still in Houston and will be a month or so. We are
waiting on God's miracle. Please keep praying. It's a tiny bit of
encouragement one day and stable the next. They opened a spot on his
skull and clipped the aneurysm. One side of his head is extremely
swollen and one eye won't open. As the swelling goes down, we are
believing he will be able to respond more. His pupils aren't dilating
much, but today he started trying to move his eye to the side a bit.
I talked to him about the fact that the surgery was successful and
it's just waiting for the swelling to go down so he can improve, but
that God is providing for him and for us and all is okay. He hadn't
been moving his hands at all and he pushed his thumb against my hand.
Then I told him I might not be able to get back to the hospital
tonight and he pushed his thumb again. The Lord spoke through my
brother to me to 'keep your eyes open', so I'm doing that. He also
shook his head when I sang 'rise and shine' to him the other day. It
was rather funny. I told him I'd have to sing it every day and he
shook his head again. He moves his legs pretty well, but not so much
on command yet.

My brother and friend needed to leave and my girls came up for the
weekend. They left my car, some supplies and my Erin. I missed her.
We are staying in an extended stay place for a month or so and have a
kitchen and a comfortable space. They provided shuttles to St. Luke's
where Allen is at. They have nice parking garages with ridiculous
prices. $12 a day or more. That wouldn't work for long. The doctor
is good. They're taking good care of Allen. Dr. Suarez has
privileges at VBMC when Allen can return, but as much as I REALLY want
to be back home, he is better here for now, plus at VBMC ICU I can
only see him 1/2 hr visits up to 4X daily. Here we can be with him
all but 6-8 am and pm. The staff is good and are very attentive and
there is a dr around all the time. But with all that.... I miss my
family and friends so very much. I am very sure how much I need all
of you in my life. I treasure your messages and prayers and
encouragement. Forgive me if I don't respond very quickly. Some days
I have more time than others. Today Erin and I got moved into this
room after the other kids left and because of the Texas game we
weren't able to get shuttles in and out so we had to stay in the room.
We passed out around 5pm and slept til after 7pm. We ate a pimento
cheese sandwich and are watching "Marmaduke". Tomorrow we'll be back
at it, but it has been nice to take a breath.

Wives... LOVE your husbands. LOVE your families. I miss Allen's voice
and I'm waiting and praying and singing and trusting. I know that
this is possible due to God's grace and a lot of prayers. Thank you
and I love each of you so much. Please keep my girls in prayer, too.
Jamie and Christy wanted to stay here so badly, but of course cannot.
Jamie has school and Christy her family.
Love ya'll so much
Linda

Have you ever?????

Have you ever seen a wooly bee? Have you ever hoped to see one?I can tell you, anyhow,I'm glad that you and I...



... can BEE one!

You know how you can write a word and it doesn't look right? Is that spelled right? What's wrong with it? That's the way the concept of time is for me lately...

Is time passing as fast as it seems it is? It can't be almost the end of summer, can it? What's wrong with this picture?

Two of my kids are grown. I have a grandbaby. My last daughgter is 11 going on 22. My life is constantly filled with activity, which makes life seem to move so much faster. It's funny, too, because I'm a 'stay-at-home' Mom who wants to 'stay at home' a lot more. For instance, I've been avoiding the grocery store like a plague. I HATE buying groceries. It's not that I don't want to get what I want or need, but it's... "Honey, can you bring that on your way home?" It's not good, I know. I need to do what it takes to keep the pantry stocked with what we need... but alas... I digress.

My dear friend, Cheryl, shared something with me today. The Texas Rangers are apparently up 7 games and that's an incredible, new thing. They are playing great and she's had a great time watching the games with her dad. The coach or owner, someone, when interviewed said, "It's time." That stuck with me. ... I don't want to waste my time doing the same 'ol, same 'ol. I want to be doing things that mean something to me, to my family... especially to the Lord, what's pleasing to Him. It's time... to create, to make beautiful things that make me and those I love happy. It's time... to reach out... not to waste time with 'organizations', but to touch individuals. It's time... to get off the bandwagon! I want to walk away from consumerism, commercialism, propaganda-filled time wasters (ie, tv commercials)

Does that mean I'm on some new trek toward world peace or going back to school to become a social servant? Hardly... I know I am fitted for the 'job' I currently have... my ministry and calling in life... seeking and serving God, loving and taking care of my family and home, being the right kind of friend and hearing God when he wants me to do anything beyond this scope. I want to make what I do count and not waste time on what doesn't. I know, I know... the laundry will still need done, the dogs will still need bathed, I'll have to go to that blessed grocery store when I need to... but I want to stop saying yes to things that aren't needed. I want to learn to jump off the bandwagon.

Lord, turn my eyes away from worthless things.

Psalm 119
³³ Teach me your decrees, O Lord; I will keep them to the end.
³⁴ Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions;
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
³⁵ Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.
³⁶ Give me an eagerness for your laws rather than a love for money!
³⁷ Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word.
³⁸ Reassure me of your promise, made to those who fear you.
³⁹ Help me abandon my shameful ways; for your regulations are good.
⁴⁰ I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness.

Could I pare down to 100 things?

I found this on a blog called "Creating Peace". I wanted to share it.... Now... will I do it? It's on my list... I've been irritated by 'consumerism' lately and tired of being a pawn in the game. I'm an easy pawn in it, too. Aggravating! I'm letting it marinate in my spirit and I'm really praying the Lord will help me really learn to live simply. Of course... 'fabric' is one category and Sewing machines is one and craft supplies is one...LOL
Linda

100 Thing Challenge

Some of you have already read about this 100 Thing Challenge. If you haven’t, it was created by a man named David Michael Bruno. He has written books on Consumerism and has a blog at http://guynameddave.typepad.com/david_michael_bruno/. He will also be writing a book about his experience with the 100 Thing Challenge.

Basically, the 100 Thing Challenge is a challenge that Mr. Bruno proposed to pare down your personal items to only 100 things. He gave his challenge a time period of one year. It started last November and ends this November. If you go to his blog and his post about this challenge http://www.guynameddave.com/100-thing-challenge.html, you can see the list of things he has now, and all of the things he gave away.

This challenge only applies to your personal items. Items that only you use. So, it doesn’t include furniture in the house, or garden tools, etc. Anything that the whole family uses does not count. Underwear and socks, can be counted as one category each…you don’t want to have to count out each pair because obviously we don’t want to have to get down to minimal undergarments. Also, books are counted as one category as well: library.

I have begun my own 100 Thing Challenge, but I’m not there yet. I think I may give myself a deadline of January 1, 2010. I will try to pare down all of my personal items to 100 things by January 2010 and try to keep it that way for one year. I’m getting there, I’ve cleaned out my closet a ton. I almost have it down to only those things I wear, love and feel good in.

I really find this type of stuff interesting. It really makes you realize how much “stuff” is out there and how so many stores are packed with things we don’t need.

Now... what do I really need... of my own stuff...what do I really need? ... answer... a whole lot less than I have. I was reading another post that says we could eliminate things to "personal" and "functional" for decorating. That would be a good place to start... it's do-able... one bite of that elephant.

My message to Hurricane Alex...

Allen's vacation came and went... and we are still in the middle of tiling. Hurricane Alex preparations have slowed down the progress, but maybe we'll get to work on it tonight... we'll see.

ARGH-- Home Remodeling Sucks!

ARGH... argh... argh... argh... argh... there... maybe I feel a little bit better... we were going to to take out a few rows of tiles and retile because they were falling off and cracking. Well, it was too bad, so all the tiles had to come out... then the bathtub and we got a new one, got it home, saw little bitty spot on the corner had broken off... oh, well... that'll caulk... nope, got it in the bathroom and that corner in the tub cracked, too. So back to Lowes to replace it. Well, it's in the bathroom, now, so we have to start the walls, then tiling and grouting... hope we can get it done before Allen's vacation is over... I want my deep, soaky bath!!!!!