Friday, October 15, 2010
NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR GOD
I didn't get to spend much time with Allen today. We went earlier, but nurses were taking care of positioning, medicating, doing therapies, etc then the doctors wanted to meet with me again. I had to leave by 12:30 to catch the shuttle back to the room so we could have lunch and pick Jamie up from the airport. It is SO nice to have her here with us. We planned on resting a bit, having supper and going up to see Allen, but... our bodies didn't follow those plans. We all passed out so long that when we woke up we were all zombies. So though my heart wanted to be with him, my body told me rest. I fixed fish tacos and we rested. I am anxious for the morning, though. I want to sit with Allen.
So.. the visit with the doctors...
You know, I was irritated with Dr. "Opie" the other day, but today the Lord helped me see that he is compassionate and it's hard for him to stay removed enough to share medical information and facts. I couldn't do that. My heart wants to hold people who are hurting. So... I was brought to a 'counseling room' with Dr. "Opie" (who seems to be a really fine doctor), another resident with whom I've talked many times, Allen's nurse for the day and a Pallative Care worker named Stacie. I like her a lot. She is compassionate and friendly and we think we're kindred spirits. She has older and younger kids and loves morning coffee on the porch. She doesn't cut up fabric, but she cuts up paper and that's fiber, too, so it works.
They are out of ideas of what they can medically do for Allen to improve his situation. They want me to choose either Long Term Acute Care or comfort care (hospice). I wait.
Again, the Lord sent certain people into my path or to call me to share information with me I needed to hear. I was so totally opposed to removing feeding tubes, like I'd be starving Allen. I had to remember what I'd learned when my Momma was passing. There comes a time when food brings more discomfort than comfort, is less sustaining. I needed to remember that. Pray. His digestive system is not responding well.
My nephew (in-law and love) called and was able to explain some medical things to me that I needed to know. God has been so good. I'm so oblivious to some of that. With all my parents' hospital stays and Allen, I'm learning way more about medical stuff, all the numbers and tests and machine settings than I ever wanted to learn.
The stroke education coordinator here told me her story. She lost her husband to a brain aneurysm 15 years ago when their son was a toddler. It was taken out of her hands and he passed, but she shared with me that though they had discussed the same things about not sustaining life artificially with each other, she knew she could not rush into that decision with him. She had to know that what she was doing was right. Again, it was taken out of her hands. That's what I pray.... really that God will just raise Allen up. It's not too difficult.
AH, LORD GOD, YOU HAVE MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH BY YOUR GREAT POWER. AH, LORD GOD, YOU HAVE MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH BY YOUR OUTSTRETCHED ARM. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE. GREAT AND MIGHTY GOD. GREAT IN COUNSEL AND MIGHTY IN DEED. NOTHING, NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE!
All I've been able to hear from God is 'wait'. The doctor wants to talk again on Monday. So, I wait. Erin waits, Jamie waits, Christy waits... we all wait.
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