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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Where else?

"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

This is Allen's favorite verse.

Some look at this and think that I am really strong to go through this. I'm not. I don't know why this is happening to us. Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole or run away. I beg God. I cry and moan and can't figure out why God would call us to walk through this. Okay, God, if you don't raise Allen up , how can you get ANY glory from this?

I don't know. All I do know is I will hold on the same way we always have when what we thought was difficult came into our lives... where else will we go, Lord? You have the words of eternal life.

Basically, Allen is the same. Sometimes I'll think he hears and wants to respond. Sometimes I think he is sleeping in Jesus' arms and waiting. I just wish I knew. I'm still in 'wait' mode, but feel this looming responsibility that I'm going to have to decide his next step. They won't leave him in ICU. I hear a lot of thoughts from others, but ... I've got to hear what God is saying to me. Last night, I thought I knew what my next step would be. Now, I don't. I wait.


Paula Sanldin said...

I know today must have been a hard one for you. Hope things are going better. Please keep us posted. We love you all and our prayers are going out to you.

connie said...

Know that Sierra, Dillon and I are praying for you all, for strength and guidance to accept God's path for the family. He must have a special plan/purpose for Allen and Granny, to have called to them both so close together. You have spent so many years being the strong protector of your girls and now it's time to draw in your arms and allow them to help support and protect you. They are stronger than you think and want to be there to help you through this. Very few adults will take the time to really connect with a child (especially one that they don't know) and make that child feel like their thoughts and opinions have value. Allen did this. Allen made a true connection with Dillon, after Granny's funeral, and it meant the world to me that he saw the value in my child and made my child feel like a part of things. God rewards people like Allen and eventhough God may be taking him from his family and friends here, he is being delivered to another loving family, with another special purpose to fulfill. It seems to quick and yet slow for us to deal with gracefully, but I have to believe that God is taking his time to make sure that Allen's earthly family is ready to accept his plan. I've tried to attach a music file in an e-mail, but it didn't work. There is a hymn that led me through the struggles and hard times with Granny. It help me to accept what was on the horizon and it brought comfort to her, when I played it repeatedly over her last week on this earth. We played it at her funeral and it still brings us to tears, but also brings comfort. Please go to Amazon and download - Come to Jesus (untitled hymn) by Chris Rice. It sings of the our journey through life and our relationship with Jesus throughout our life. It's beautiful and I think that it will help in the days to come. We love you all. Hug the girls for us and have them hug you for us.