He's still workin' on me...

Spent the afternoon and early evening with Allen. He was awake for most of it. We talked some until he got tired and began mumbling. He made sense through some of it and not through some. He seems to be getting stronger each day. After he got tired I put some classical and Christian music on and we just listened and rested. I drifted off to sleep a while and woke up to Allen staring at me. Payback... for all the hours I stared at him while he was in a coma.

My cousin, Roy, reminded me of something today via facebook...

Jesus said, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

How hard is it to not let my heart be troubled? Apparently pretty hard. I don't want to go there, but I do.
You know that song?...
He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me.

No more TRACH !!!!

Today: No more trach!!! Allen has been talking better and better. We can hear him most times without an ear at his lips. He gets tired and mumbles, but that is taking longer. He still mixes up words and is a little confused, but is less each day. We talked today about what he might want to do when he gets home... tv, cooking, woodworking, gardening... who knows, but he's talking to me about it. He recognized Judy when she visited today. We were laughing later because Allen has become even more King of the Non-committal One Liners. "Sounds Like it", "Possibly", "More or less", "Not necessarily", "Getting there." It's kind of like the "Go ask your mother" answer the girls used to get!!! LOL

Allen's blood pressure is controlled with meds, Hallelujah. He keeps pulling at lines, though, and kind of irritated one nurse 'cause he asked Allen why he was doing it and Allen answered, "to keep you on your feet," then he told him he'd have to tie his hands if he kept it up, to which Allen answered, "Do what you have to do." Stink pot! He's not usually that aggravating or sarcastic unless he's really "P.O'd" with someone.

Please keep praying that:

• He'll keep getting stronger with BP controlled.
• Be able to get off all the tubes and lines.
• His thoughts, memories and brain function will return completely
• He'll get insurance approval for the right in-patient neuro rehab (hopefully South Texas Rehab)

I appreciate all your prayers for Allen and for our family!

My friend, Judy, and I were visiting this week and I was sharing with her that I have a struggle with not thinking about the "what-ifs" of the future. The Lord and I are working on that because my good days are when I can just get up and do what is before me, accept whatever place Allen is in that day and deal with it for that day, and go home at the end of the day, watch our shows with my girls, enjoy supper and go to bed. Amen... so be it. No mas. No menos. Lord, help me do that each day. Judy said that would be a great thing if I can get victory in that because most of us can't. I don't know about victory. I really think it's something we each have to consciously choose each and every day.

Remember this song?: "Lord, how they're increased that trouble me. Many are they that rise up against me. Many are they that say of my soul, 'There is no help for him in God.' But thou, Oh, Lord art a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head."

Count your blessings. Name them one by one...

Count your blessings. See what God has done. I have a basket on my entry table. It's is plum full of cards and notes from all of you dear ones who have sent them to us. I read them and even re-read them and I'm encouraged and blessed. I'm printing out the emails, as well, for the basket. This basket will remain a part of our lives at least until Allen is recovered to the point of reading and hearing about each one. So... this thanksgiving... we will thank our Lord for his saving grace, for our family and especially that 'Daddy' is still a part of this family, and for our extended family that consists of so many that are praying and believing with us that God will raise Allen up healed and whole with the testimony of God's miracle working power on his behalf.

I'm learning more than I really ever wanted to...

... but I'm laying it down. Whenever I want to understand something I tend to research it to death. Google is my friend. I read and read and process and process. And not all of that is bad. It's saved us some money when we were researching to purchase something.

But in this case... I am going to do it less because...
"Whose report will you believe? We will believe the report of the Lord." I'm not talking about denial. I'm talking about the idea that just because in 58% percent of patients this or that happened doesn't mean that that is God's report for Allen. God has already amazed many for raising Allen from near death. I believe he will continue to finish His work on him.

The confusion Allen has been experiencing is disconcerting. Professionals tell me it is very normal for this response. Most come out of it, a few don't. Well, Allen is not most or a few. He is God's son and called according to God's purpose and plan for him.

This is my prayer today. "That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, may give unto Allen the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him. The eyes of Allen's understanding being enlightened; that Allen may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints. And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to Allen who believes, according to the working of His mighty power, which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places."

ps... no rhyme or reason for the picture... just my cutie, Erin, being silly to cheer me up.

3 Girls Out Shopping

Well, they capped off the trach and put on the nose cannula! Hallelujah... another step forward.

I rec'd some advice that was hard to hear and actually took some time away from the hospital today. Not that I've been there nonstop. I'm not a morning person and haven't rushed up there early and I leave most evenings early enough for supper and time with the girls. But... today I stayed home, did a little around the house, took a long soaky bath, ate lunch and shopped with the girls. We visited Allen for a little while. The nurse said he'd mostly slept all day and he was sleeping while we visited, so I don't suppose I needed to sit and watch him sleep all day Afterwards, I went to a Stroke Support Group meeting with Paul and Debbie. I miss Allen a lot, but I trust that a day here and there will do us both some good.

thank you...

... for your friendship, your love, your acts of kindness and support...

I am so blessed by so many wonderful people who have just surrounded us with love and physical support through cards and encouragement, money, food, gift cards. It's so totally overwhelming. I hate the thought of being a burden to others. My girls fuss at me and keep me in line with it, but I never want to be so 'needy' that people get tired of me. The fact that I am so surrounded with so many arms has made such a difference in our lives. I don't know how to thank you enough.

Allen is improving all the time. For a few days now the things he talked about weren't making much sense to me, but I suppose his brain has been thinking of stuff I'm not understanding. Today Christy was with me in the room and after I left and walked Betsy out next to his window so she could see her Pa-Pa. He waved to her. Then he and Christy proceeded to have this heart to heart about me worrying too much, what was going on with his paperwork, how he wants his door and curtain closed for privacy, etc. Also, the physical therapist came in and talked about how good he is doing with movement and he wants to work him more because he has great potential for full recovery. They have Allen up on a table that stands him up and he's up to 65 degrees today.

So... after lunch we went back and later Allen and I were talking and I got so upset with him that I left the room. He was being a 'butt!' After getting over my upset, I went back to the room and talked to him about it and we kissed and made up.... Isn't that awesome.... our first fight! LOL I still don't understand everything he says when he gets tired and mumbly and that's what seemed to bug him, but he can get over it and try harder! I talked to the nurse about speaking to the doctor concerning removing his trach. He is breathing all on his own now and doesn't need it and he's pulled it out twice, which meant strapping his hands so he can't pull it out in his sleep. That doesn't thrill him either.

So... you've heard all the gory details about the last few days. I've cried so much again for fear his mind wouldn't be the same and he goes and has this heart to heart with Christy, so... I guess I shouldn't let the enemy make me worry so much.... Allen is right...of course... I worry too much.

Matthew 6:34 (New International Version)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

John 14:27 (KJV)

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Pray for Peace

Allen breathes well on his own and rarely needs suctioned now. He has had some bouts of anxiety and pulls on tubes and cords that he needs to leave alone. He pulled his trach completely out last night and they had to replace it. He is so strong and when one of us tries to stop him, it's hard. Most of the time he's not that way, but he has moments. It seems that what he was trying to do was take off the elastic cord from his neck. When I let him take it off and just laid the oxygen mask right at his trach, he was fine. Please pray for his peace.

He has asked for pictures and Jamie made up a little album for him. He is remembering more. He asked for Erin today by name. I can't always understand what he's saying, but I clearly heard that he is tired of laying and waiting. I told him to keep working hard to get stronger and he'd be out sooner. I have to say sometimes I am a little nervous about what to expect, but I'm still so glad I'll be able to have him around and know that if God wants him to have the testimony God's going to restore him to the point of being able to give that testimony.

We are doing okay. Christy comes often as she can. Jamie goes up to see him lots around her school projects, homework and tests. Erin and I are there all we can be, but coming home to rest and do stuff around the house. People have brought us meals and gift cards for meals for several days out of the week, so that's helped us a lot. Lots of people checking on us and several have visited Allen and prayed over him. We are blessed.

I heard my name today...

The valve... doo-hickey... whatever it is they put on Allen's trach is allowing him to inhale through the trach, but exhale through his nose and mouth and therefore... speak! How wonderful. "Linda"... "I love you"... "move over" (so he could see his girls, too...LOL) and "love the girls" or something like that.

The caseworker came in while Christy was in the room to let us know he is to be discharged to rehab at the end of this month. So... if he's in an inpatient rehab for a few weeks... maybe home for Christmas!!!! That will be the greatest gift! (after God's gift of Jesus!)

Happy Birthday to you...

Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday my precious husband.... Happy Birthday to you!
Allen is 54 today. I'm so glad he had another birthday and hope next year will seem happier for him. This was a quiet day. I was warned that these days will come. He seemed a little fidgity last night and today was just quiet.

Things are progressing.... slowly but surely...
Allen's trach was changed today for a slightly smaller one with holes that will allow him to talk. Speech therapists will begin to help him with this.

It was a hard day, but still a good one. A friend who is a chaplain at Solara left me a note that included a reminder to walk by faith and not by sight. I need that today.

I have had so many friends contact me and bless me with meals and encouragement. What would I do without you all? I am eternally thankful that God has brought you into our lives.

Home and trying to find normal...

Papers scattered that I'm trying to go through.... check... that's normal.
Clutter that I walked in a dropped or shoes that constantly get left in the livingroom... check.. that's normal.
Dogs that roll into whatever they're not supposed to roll in right after they've had a bath... check... that's normal.
Going to the hospital every day to see my beloved... nope... not normal and I'll never get used to it... BUT... I am so grateful that I have him around so that I can go visit him.

A day or two ago when I was telling my buddy, Judy, about Allen's progress, she was rejoicing at how far he'd come in a week and a half. I had to stop and realize she was so right. I had gotten discouraged because of seeing what Allen isn't yet able to do that I was losing sight of what he is already doing. Yes, it's frustrating for him when he can't communicate what he's trying to tell me and that is frustrating to me, but... he's using arms and legs and trying to talk. He's being cute, raising his eyebrows at me... he says so much with his eyebrows! He's getting more movement every day. He's off the vent and on oxygen during the day. His lungs are healing and his blood pressure is getting better. Every therapist that comes in says he's getting better. Thank you, Lord Jesus!!! You are a faithful, healing, miracle working God. God spared his life -- returned his life !!!

I am able to sit with him many hours a day and not cry and worry about whether he's going to live. I can stitch, listen to television, read the Word to him and sing. I really need a new repertoire. There are 8 or 10 songs I have sung to him over and over because God ministered to me through them for these weeks.

My girls are taking good care of me. I am so happy that I can be their mother. And thank you, Lord Jesus, that they will still have their Daddy's encouragement, prayers, teasing and corny jokes!

Have you hugged your husband today and told him how much you love him and just sat and listened to him? Do it.